How not to meditate

It was a lovely day today so I thought I should try and meditate. So I locked the dog in the house (leaving the back door open in case he wanted "out") and picked a nice spot under the shade of the lillypilly tree. Since I love the outdoors, and I am very "airy fairy" I like to be around earth because it grounds me. Therefore this was the perfect spot. I lay my yoga mat down, and started off with some exercises to open up the hips, ready for sitting in the lotus position.

I close my eyes and start to meditate using a breathing exercies (mouth slightly open, tongue on roof of mouth, and breathe through both mouth and nose). I am aware of some noise in the background. All of a sudden Dog runs out to the backyard and starts barking. He doesn't stop, so I take a break from my meditation and go see what he is barking at. I walk to the edge of the hill and look in the general area that Rusty is barking at. I hear something go crashing through the bush and spy a large monitor climbing the eucalypt tree. I rush in the house to get the camera but when I get back, the monitor is nowhere in sight.

I wait around for a bit, hoping to see him again, then give up. I get back to my lotus position and start meditating again. Something crawls up my leg, I try and breathe through the discomfort and send a plea out to the universe to get rid of the bug for now. It doesn't work, I get bitten anyway. So I kill it (I know not good karma). I don't miss a beat, and continue to breathe slowly. Then another bite, this time on my foot, then another and another. I open my eyes. There's ants all over me. I jump up and realise I had put the yoga mat on top of an ant nest. Good one!